Dear little Daisy,
It snowed for a little while a few mornings ago and you kept pointing and saying ‘wow’. You’re really stringing words together to make sentences and it’s just super cute. For example ‘outside, please, shoes, coat, go’. You’ve also cheekily gotten into the habit of thinking if you say ‘please’ you can get whatever you want. It tends to work because you sound so cute when you say it. So it’s getting towards Christmas and I keep telling you that ‘santa clause’ or ‘father christmas’ is coming soon to give you lots of presents so you have to be a good girl. You have no idea who father christmas is, but you nod along and smile excitedly saying ‘yeah’. We’re not going to go overboard this year, we’re going to put money into your savings account instead seems as though everyone around you is going to flood you with gifts. (spoilt little miss). We’re excited to wake up and spend quality time with loved ones. Switch off from facebook, instagram, twitter ect. and have a brilliant day with good company and good food. Christmas is coming! Ahhhhhhhh!
Dear little Daisy,
Stop it. Just please stop it! Stop growing so fast. I can’t get over the new things you are learning each and every moment. I was sat watching you play independently earlier and I got a little sad. I know it’s miles in the future but it hit me that one day you aren’t going to be my baby any more. I’m going to have a teenager. You’ll probably tell me you hate me. You’ll probably want to move out and you will most likely rebel against everything I do in order to keep you safe. That’s what teenagers do right? I look back now at the amount of times I told my mother I hated her and I can’t help but feel so regretful. I see it from the perspective of a mother now and my word, that must have hurt her. I like to think of it in the way that those moments of being a rebellious teenager was just me taking on board everything my mother had taught me. I wanted to be independent and I wanted to excel at life. I pushed away so that I could grow a little bit on my own.
I know one day you might try to push me away a bit so that you can grow. and as much as I don’t want that to happen I know it is needed. You are going to grow into such a kind and caring young lady one day and I’m going to stand tall and stand proud knowing that you are a part of me. Just don’t tell me you hate me because you can’t go to a party and get drunk at 13. Everything I do will always be to keep you safe. and I may just cry if you ever say those words!
For now, we are just plodding along with life. We’re going about our daily routine as we head towards christmas and we’re generally taking in and enjoying each day. Seeing friends, going for walks, playing at soft play and seeing family. It’s all just the average and lovely daily routines but I get to do it all with you. I’m a sentimental soppy crazy lady at heart and could really go on to you for hours about the beauty you bring to my everyday life. BUT. I’ve got work tomorrow and my head is pounding as I type this, so it’s goodnight from me baby girl!
All my love, always
We still haven’t got a car at the moment so we’re getting the train to almost all places. I’m not a fan of the bus, I would much rather walk or hop on a train. We love to just wander at the moment. We went for a wander around Hitching as we hadn’t been in a while and we had forgotten how lovely it is. I remember being there in my younger days. Being in a big group, dressed head to toe in black with a white stripe of blonde in my hair. Ah, the good ol’ days, eh? Hitching always used to the ‘THE place to be’. We wandered around some shops whilst Andrew stopped me from splurging all my money on coffee and gelato. Italian flash back!
We went for a wander in the woods and I tried to get some nice photos of Daisy but she refused to put her tuna (EW) sandwich down. So here are some photos of Daisy ft. Sandwich.
Dear you (mean person)
I found earlier I was asking myself why don’t you like me. What have I ever in a thousand life times done to hurt you or upset you or make you feel like you can treat me how you do. Then it hit me that I’m wasting my thoughts and time on someone that is just a bit of a mean person. Someone that is so deeply unhappy with their own life that they have to single out and make any ol’ random person (me) feel like rubbish. But I think I’ve decided that I’m not going to let that happen now. Y’see, all my life I let people walk all over me. All my life I have taken a back seat and been too kind, too caring and in a way, too scared.
I don’t enjoy confrontation. I stumble my words, I go red, I shake and feel as though I’m about to burst with nerves. After becoming a mother I realised that I have an example to set. I have to attempt to do the right thing as much as I possibly can. The right thing is usually hard to figure out. It sounds easy, but it most definitely isn’t. I hate my job. I really, really hate my job. From the second I walk in the doors, to the moment I leave, I feel as little as I look. I feel like I’m wasting my time. The work I do is never good enough even though it is. When I’m there, I focus on just the work and I forget that actually I am a good person, I am worth more than how I am treated.
I never want anyone to treat Daisy how you treat me. and it wasn’t until I looked at things from that perspective that I realised, wow, I’m being a complete fool. It’s definitely time for me to stand up straight and set an example of pride. If not for myself then for my daughter. In the mean time you are definitely a silly smelly head and can keep your mean-ness away from me because I have more of a life than you have ever had and you’re getting old. There’s a saying that goes something like ‘Be nice to those below you because you never know who you’re going to meet on your way down’. One day I’ll be more than you have ever dreamt off being, because I work hard and I have more enthusiasm and passion for life than boys and diets.
When life tugs you and pulls you in all different directions and you start to wonder what you are actually doing with your life. You question your abilities, your rights, your behaviours and everything in between. That’s where I’ve been. Contemplating everything. I suffer with severe anxiety. It’s been under control for some time now but when money, work, friends, and life in general just gets on top of me I get considerably run down. To the point that I really suffer physically as well as mentally. The worst weeks leave me sleep deprived with a mouth full of ulcers, a constant nauseous feeling, terrible skin, achey bones and an achey head, with a heart that palpitates so hard I think it’s going to stop beating all together. Don’t get it confused with feeling sad though. I’m most definitely not sad. Just anxious.
After getting back from Rome I just didn’t have the time or energy to blog. I started to even question why I blog. I started comparing my blog to others out there, comparing my photos, my words, my writing, my lifestyle. But I had to stop myself in my tracks. It’s silly. I was being silly. We are all silly sometimes. The main purpose of this blog was to write to Daisy, to document our lives together for my friends and family and anyone else along the way that wants to have a little gander. Somewhere along the line I got a little side tracked. I’ve worried too much about what my readers enjoy, what people want to see. I’ve focused too much on working with brands, product reviews, tips and advice. This blog was never made for anyone else other than myself and Daisy. If other people read it then they do. I completely LOVE that people read my blog. I’ve made some amazing, wonderful friends through it and it’s opened so many doors. But I want it to go back to how it was. I don’t want to feel guilty that I haven’t blogged in a few weeks. I don’t want to feel guilty that I’m going on about my day and how daisy did a ‘wee wee’ on the potty for the first time.
This is my little digital keepsake and I’m taking it back to the start.