I’ve always had a low self esteem. It’s just something that hit me slowly during secondary school. I hated school and I can’t pinpoint exactly where my self confidence started to drop. But it did. It may have been several contributions. But I just remember I started to feel a little too chubby, I didn’t like how my face looked, I had acne and I was too short. Since then I’ve never carried much confidence in myself. I’ll quite often shy away from situations which involve larger crowds and groups of people. I always feel that I’m just a bit awkward and weird! I used to feel a rush of anxiety whilst socialising – as though what I had to say isn’t good enough and nobody cares. I used to think everyone would look at me and be laughing in their heads about how strange I was. How ugly. How short. It doesn’t happen anymore though – I’ve overcome that silly feeling and I feel as though it’s down to two things. 1. Becoming a mother and 2. Traveling.
I’m not the type of person to travel. I worry about the smallest of things. I hate flying and I suffer with severe anxiety. I’m on medication but I’m still a very anxious person. Yet breaking routine and jumping out of my comfort zone and into a different country is what vanishes it completely.
Traveling has taught me that there is so much more. Why spend life worrying about worthless things such as how we look and what people think about our personal appearance? There’s so much more happening in the world. So many more people, more cities, more cultures. The world is so big and we are so incredibly small. In a way it’s completely selfish to lack that much self confidence. No one is really going to care if you colour your hair bright pink. Yes – they may look at you for a brief second and mention it to a friend – but they really aren’t going to lose sleep over it. At the end of the day, nobody really cares.
How traveling transformed my confidence
I’ve always said it.. for some reason when I travel abroad my anxiety goes out the window. It may be the slow pace of the holiday, the fact I won’t see anyone I know, the fact I can turn off from everything and anything or just simply because I’m in another country. When abroad I can go outside with no make on. When I come back home I always think “Well, I did it out there – why not do it here?”. When abroad I can walk down the street in what I want and not feel judged by anybody. I can talk to anybody without thinking “Oh god, they think I’m totally super awkward and weird”. Now when I’m back at home, I feel more at ease. I have more of a “Give a f*ck?!” kind of attitude. I’m still a little awkward sometimes because that’s just my personality. I’m occasionally a bit ditzy and say weird things or stutter my words. But I’m so much better than I used to be and it’s definitely down to traveling. It sounds a little cheesy but it’s almost as if it sets me free. As soon as I step of that aeroplane and into another country I feel like a different person. That is why I love traveling. That is why I keep traveling and that is how it has transformed my confidence for the better.